Neighbours- They are vampires (2014)

For those who don’t know who Ramsay Brothers are or rather were; they were the pioneers of horror in Indian cinema and television. They gave us classics ranging from Veerana to Purani Haveli on the big screen and the evergreen Zee Horror Show on the smaller one.  With Neighbours-They are Vampires, Ramsay horror made a comeback after seven long years; their last stint at the silver screen was the 2007 disaster and Aryan Vaid starrer Ghutan. Certainly, Aryan Vaid’s name itself makes people cringe in their seats but nevertheless, he still acts, or rather, tries to. Now, this flick is not precisely the kind of comeback that I would expect from Kamaal Rashid Khan, leave alone the Ramsays; and I’m being very courteous! Gone are the sexy vampires from The Vampire Diaries! This movie, its special effects and its vampires are so depraved that even a sultry B grade movie looks like Jurassic Park! 

The story is about a teenager who is a die-hard horror fan and contemplates that the bungalow close to her house is inhabited by vampires. Moreover, she is a very big fan of a horror novelist played by none other than Shakti Kapoor, our desi womanizer! To start with, there are two antagonists. One is an immoral looking semi-nude vampire lassie and the other is a wannabe clown who tries to make Jim Carrey faces when he slaughters people or licks some ketchup off their decapitated feet and fingers. They clash with the protagonists, some of whom are bitten and transform into evil semi-nude vampires. Beware! Vampire lovers, you might slit your wrists or peel off your skin or put a fire poker in your eyes just to avoid the severe pain that will sear through your brain when you watch this filthy stuff. This is a horrifyingly horrible feature film and my earnest suggestion to Ramsay Bothers is- Quit playing games with my mind!

Don't watch the movie if you love:

1. Vampires 

2. Violence

3. Horror

4. Sanity

5. Yourself

The Key Performance Indicators (KPI's):

1. Story: 1/10

2. Atmosphere: 1/10

3. Sex: 1/10

4. Gore: 2/10

5. Acting: 1/10

Overall rating: 1.2/10    

IMDb rating: 4.6/10

P.S. During an interview, Shyam Ramsay said that he didn't have faith in a star cast because he relied entirely on the Ramsay name for the marketing of this movie. LOL :P